


Someone Else

by brasspetal



Series: Be My End Verse [2]
Category: Black Sails
Genre: Angst, Between S2 and S3, Bittersweet, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Muldoon is in love, Self-Hatred, Stand Alone, They Are SAPS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 08:32:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12744741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brasspetal/pseuds/brasspetal
Summary: Muldoon gives Silver a birthday present.





	Someone Else

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blackviolets](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackviolets/gifts).



> It’s a missing scene from my fic Be My End from the past (you don’t have to read it to understand this, this is a stand-alone) There’s a bit of hinted silverflint. Requested on tumblr <3

There’s a hush over the crew often in the morning when the light is new and crawling its way across the water’s edge. Silver found this is his favorite time of day before the raucous voices set in and before his erratic heart dared to search out their captain. He could gaze up above at the billowing sails as if the Walrus is floating on nothing but air, the clouds above are their land markers. He found he’s given to whimsical thought most in the morning when things haven’t settled.

Silver shifts his metal boot uncomfortably against the wood while leaning on the railing. He had a shanty singing in his head that he’s yet to release the tune of. The crew had shouted the words out to the sea in the dark of night, drunk from exhaustion and he had listened with a small smile perched on his lips unable to banish it from his thoughts. He hums softly not quite knowing the words and then a sharp whistle joins him with perfected practice.

Silver turns his head to spot Muldoon with a smirk of his own as he approaches him. His hands are behind his back as if he’s hiding something. Muldoon is an easy man for Silver to read after all. He can spot a foul mood from a ship length away but today he seems cheery, almost happy.

“What’s got you in high spirits?” Silver asks casually and leans back towards the sky, resting his elbow on the railing.

“Follow me.” He replies and begins to whistle once again while walking ahead of him. Silver squints with amusement as he complies. His eyes linger in the direction of the captain’s cabin before it disappears from his sight. Flint had lashed out at him the last time he attempted conversation and so he left him to his misery, albeit temporarily.

Muldoon takes him to the empty galley where he waits by the hanging pots and pans that softly clink from the rocking of the ship. Silver grew used to that noise and it had almost lulled him to sleep in its familiarity, but it’s been a while since he’s made the galley his home. He hides the tempting need to cringe from the growing pain irritating his leg and he decides stubbornly that he wouldn’t have it marring today.

“What is with the secrecy? I don’t think I-“ Silver halts his speech in confusion when Muldoon holds out something wrapped in a clean cloth to him.

“Happy Birthday,” Muldoon announces with a toothy grin.

Something in his chest teeters off balance like the fluttering of the pages of an open book. He had forgotten that he once lied to the men about his birthday. Most didn’t pay attention to the information given and Silver let the moment slip into obscurity, but Muldoon noticed.

He  _remembered._

Even if Silver didn’t know his true birthday it was enough to know that someone listened to his ramblings.

“To be quite honest I really didn’t think anyone remembered.” Silver says with a friendly huff and accepts the wrapped gift from him. His cheeks heat up ridiculously from the action.

“Didn’t have much, ain’t nothin’ fancy but it means somethin’ to me and I thought you should have it.” Muldoon openly supplies. Silver studies his face and the nervous set of his shoulders while lamely holding the gift as if he didn’t quite know what to do with it.

“Thank you, Muldoon, truly.” Silver says with a nod and Muldoon shakes his head and retorts, “Open the fuckin’ thing already.”

Silver smiles wide and unravels the cloth to reveal a shiny sharpened dagger. The small blade is fine craftsmanship even if he didn’t consider himself an expert in that regard. He runs his fingers over the hilt examining the wood and he notices the initials carved in neatly at the top.

“This is yours? I can’t accept this…this is clearly-“  Silver begins.

Muldoon sighs, “My sister gave it to me when we was kids. It’s kept me safe and I don’t have no family to pass it to but you. You’ve been a good friend to me these past few months.”

Silver glances down at the dagger again as if it’s a precious thing to behold. A genuine small smile tugs at his mouth as he runs his fingers lightly over the sharp blade. Thoughts bloom fast in his skull and he plucks them before they grow roots. That swirling sentiment has no place there, not for Silver.

“I know I ain’t him.” Muldoon quietly states. Silver snaps his eyes to his, and he sees the vulnerable reverence displayed for him. It sets him apart and tumbles thoughts into his throat.

“What do you mean?” Silver hesitantly inquires, and Muldoon shakes his head as if he’s deciding whether or not to release what he’s thinking.

“I ain’t Captain Flint.” He continues.

Silver tries to laugh, but it fails to appear comfortable. “That’s a good thing.” He remarks bitterly.

Muldoon is blinking at him, wide-eyed as if Silver is worthy to be memorized, studied.

“Fuck, you’ve no idea, do you?” Muldoon suddenly crumbles and runs a hand over his bald head.

Silver carefully approaches him, limping with a strained frigid awareness to the pain beginning to envelop him. They’re close enough now that Silver notices when he slightly fidgets and swallows before looking back at him. The vulnerability is familiar to Silver, he’s seen it before in his foray into the awkward fumblings of youth. He didn’t let the realization show in his features but he blanches against it all the same. He’s hesitant for no other reason but the fact that he cannot fathom still being wanted by someone in that way. With the departure of his leg went all notion of possible contentment.

“You ain’t gonna make me say it, Silver…” Muldoon replies with an awkward unsteady tone. There’s a light flush creeping up the sides of his neck. It’s honestly endearing.

The question rushes out of Silver without his guidance, “Why me?”

Muldoon’s nervousness begins to abate, “Well I ain’t the only one that..sees you that way.” He gestures with his hand between them.

“I’m not…” Silver starts and then quickly continues when he notices Muldoon’s face falling, “…I’m not much use in that regard anymore.”

Muldoon chuckles then, breaking apart the gloomy disposition. He’s watching Silver with delighted exasperation. “That’s a fuckin’ lie, but there ain’t no expectation here from me. That dagger is yours. I think it’s always been waitin’ to be given to you.”

Their eyes stay locked and their breathing grows quiet in the stillness of the room. Silver is suddenly aware of every noise, from the pots clinking and to the rocking of wood surrounding them. It’s an exceptionally warm feeling to be wanted by simply being himself. There is no motive here or trickery. The darkness of Flint may still have its claws in his back but it too faded to the background for now. Silver’s lips twitch with a hidden smile and it’s all the incentive Muldoon needs before he’s closing the gap between them to press his mouth to his. His lips are soft and sweetly unsure at first. Muldoon reaches up to lightly trail his fingers to back of Silver’s neck and into his curls as if fulfilling a long-awaited dream. Silver grips Muldoon’s shoulder firmly to pull him gently to his chest.

It’s Muldoon who suddenly breaks apart the kiss with a breathless, “You want this?” As if he’s perplexed by the turn of events.

“I do.” Silver answers confidently because he did. He desperately needs a quiet reprieve with someone he trusted. At this moment there is no one else he trusted more and it’s enough.

Silver connects his lips with Muldoon’s this time, catching him off guard and opens his mouth as an invitation. Muldoon’s tongue shyly meets his in acceptance.

They stumble clumsily back into the wooden counter when Silver’s metal boot wobbles and they laugh with a rush of shared amusement before the kiss deepens. It’s a slow exploration at first and Silver guesses it’s been some time since Muldoon has attempted this with anyone. His hands tremble slightly when he grips Silver’s waist and they almost fall before making it to the pantry door.

It’s a tight space but big enough for two and Silver pulls Muldoon by his shirt inside before shutting the door behind them. The action sets them both off balance and they tumble to the dusty floor with an ‘oof’

Silver suddenly feels the unwelcome sharp agony tear up his thigh and he releases an involuntary gasp. Muldoon, who is lying on top of him now, suddenly moves back to study Silver’s face in the murky line of candlelight coming in from beneath the door.  

“Ah shit, did I fall on it? Fuck..” Muldoon berates himself and Silver grips his shoulder when he notices he’s pulling away.

“It’ll pass…” Silver says quietly. The broken tone of his voice didn’t give his words much confidence.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Muldoon says and hovers over him searching Silver’s face sweetly. That action alone creates a painful lump in Silver’s throat.

“I’m fine..” He rasps.

“Don’t sound bleedin’ fine, Silver.” Muldoon insists and runs a thumb softly over Silver’s cheekbone.

He suddenly feels like an imposter, as if he’s the one taking advantage of Muldoon’s kindness. Was this him needing some form of a voluntary validation? A stolen moment from the quiet that won’t last.

“I don’t deserve this. Any of you.” Silver blurts out and closes his eyes tightly against the next wave of anguish that assaults him from his burning leg.  

“Fuck that.” Muldoon replies irritably, “I ain’t gonna sit here and listen to that shit.”

He grips Silver’s face between his palms and Silver opens his eyes wetting his eyelashes.

“Let me take care of you, Silver.” Muldoon pleads from above him and Silver didn’t wish to ruin the warmth blooming between them by grumpily snapping back. He takes a moment to attempt to view this as something that isn’t likened to weakness.  

The pain begins to retreat and he releases a shaky breath. Muldoon leans forward as if to ask for permission to kiss him and Silver attempts to give him something that resembles a smile in return. He leans forward, the shadow of him darkening his view of the warm smile above. Their lips meet again and Muldoon softly runs his fingers through Silver’s tangled curls. The act of it twists his thoughts into sharp edges, leaving only guilt to rest behind.

Silver would be lying to himself if he didn’t acknowledge that Muldoon cared for him deeply. How deeply? He did not know nor did he wish to ponder on it. He knew that he held his heart in a moment such as this. He wishes to cradle it properly. He wants to give Muldoon what he deserves but he is unable to fulfill it. Filling a void within himself temporarily is all that he can offer. Did that make him selfish? To want a small moments peace between loneliness and grief? Grief over who he was, what he’s becoming and the future culmination of both.

Muldoon moves to spread soft kisses down his neck to his exposed collarbone. “This don’t have to mean nothin’, I want to help you,” Muldoon says breathlessly with a hint of desperation. He’s afraid Silver will suddenly put a stop to it and he kindly keeps giving him openings to do so.

Silver runs his hands over Muldoon’s back as he slowly shimmies his way down to Silver’s trousers. He didn’t know how to express that this did mean something, but Muldoon didn’t appear to be under the illusion that this could possibly last. What does that make him? Yet another villain to someone’s fragile heart?

Muldoon interrupts his self-deprecation as he finishes unbuttoning his britches and shoves his hand inside. His fingers find the length of his hardened cock and softly explore with a slow rhythm. Silver’s eyes flutter closed at the overwhelming warmth growing in his belly. The pain of his leg has been completely forgotten. “I’ve wanted this for a long fuckin’ time.” Muldoon chuckles nervously. Silver finds himself stretching his lips into a smile, keeping his eyes comfortably closed. It seems Muldoon is a romantic. He would have never guessed when they first met but now it is glaringly obvious.

He releases a sudden exhalation when Muldoon connects his lips to the head of his cock and tentatively begins to suck. Silver recognizes that he’s done this before, maybe something quick and easy with the other men but here, Muldoon takes his time. He’s able to take almost all of him to the back of his throat before he pulls back his lips to a comfortable slide.

It’s been some time since Silver has received, he’s always had to give. The fact that Muldoon somehow seemed to guess that and wanted to selflessly return the favor makes Silver wish more than anything he could be someone else. Someone who could give himself to a kind man with an unpolluted heart.

Silver gasps, content with encouraging Muldoon’s mouth with his moans. The flitting of his tongue, causes Silver to lash out beside him to grip anything he could find purchase on.

_I’m sorry._

_I’m so sorry, I can’t be someone else._

Silver wills his mouth to keep those words imprisoned, to hold them against his tongue until they evaporate.

Muldoon’s slow rhythm from before has evolved into an impassioned frenzy, he’s let loose, delivering Silver with his unanswered kindness. He wouldn’t last much longer against the admiration, the heat of his mouth and hollowing of his cheeks. He can feel the collected pressure building, his tide receding.

Silver attempts to convey that he’s on the precipice but all that is freed from his mouth is a loud collapsing groan before he’s coming into Muldoon’s throat. He continues the rhythm as Silver exposes his neck to the ceiling, arching up further beyond those lips.

The searing brilliance of his orgasm crumbles the sadness into pebbles that shake about in his skull. The reminder is there, the truth is there, the reality awaits, but here, this is enough.

Muldoon releases his lips from his cock and slowly crawls back up Silver’s chest like a satisfied kitten. He has a mischievous smile on his face as he cups Silver’s chin with his palms.

“Kiss me.” Silver softly pleads and Muldoon is eager to please.

Silver always pretended to be a romantic because he always wanted to share that beloved sentiment but he isn’t one, no matter how much he feigns it.

Muldoon kisses him each time like it’ll be the last as if Silver is somehow slipping away like sand.

“I’m here.” Silver whispers against those lips.

“I know,” Muldoon mumbles and it vibrates against his teeth.

This is the first time Silver feels more than enough for anyone and he recites the wish crawling around in his mind that he could return the favor.  


End file.
